Change..

I knew what was gonna happen,
and i still ignored it.
i reminded myself,
and i still went through with it.
change will always lead to more change..
for better or for worse..
it will always happen..
stupidity got the best of me..
and now things are falling apart..
not bit by bit,
nor by chunks.
everything just crumbled in an instant..
what i tried so hard to keep together..
just fell apart in a second..
what i placed my blood, sweat and tears into creating,
just vanished in a moment..

and i tried so desperately to stick them all back into place..
nothing seems to fit back where they belong..

so much for giving change a chance..
and i cant help but feel responsible...
for causing their pain..
for their distress..
for their loss in trust..

fuck this..im done with change!
as soon as i get things back to normal,
im not going to try and be a smartass and change things

that is if they ever go back to normal..
i doubt so....
and so ive got nothing else to lose..
cause ive lost what meant everything to me..

Sedated

Tuning into Walter Reed by Michael Penn

So after getting my results and having those few joyous moments basking in my success,
things go back to the way they were.
yes i definately am relieved that im gonna be spending 2 more years in uni instead of selling dvds at some dodgy shop in sg. wang wtf.
But i was hoping there was going to be more to it than just swift fleeting happiness.
Maybe a small, lingering sensation of satisfaction or maybe a lasting sting of elation..
Yet somehow i think i dont have the privilage to truly enjoy these feelings..
I just wonder where lasting happiness can be found..
cause i know that that is what's missing.

Anyways im off to bum around in my room with the song on repeat.

Tell now what more do you need,

take me to walter reed tonight,

Baby, i've lost the will for fighting..

Okay, super 7 emo dy! ciao.

Boredom makes me productive!

Okay so its abit plain..but hopefully its gonna get better as it goes along.

Anyways, i'm bored and after going through 5 seasons of House im bored again..
Its kinda sad that being back in kl, im still feeling bored.
i guess there's not much difference being here or in melb.

Talking bout melb, I get asked ALOT why i came back to msia after spending a year in melb..
and the standard reply i've come up with is "i didnt like the life there".
easy to get ppl to stop asking anymore
but..
who am i kidding..

i loved staying with my sis,
i loved the change of scenery,
i loved having to deal with my own problems,
i loved the weather, retarded as it may be.

i hated not being able to meet friends like i have now in uni..

Oh and im not anti-social or anything..its just that i couldnt connect with them,
i did try to make an effort but after awhile i just couldnt be bothered..
so yea i made more friends through my cousin and sis than at college..wierd eh?
sounds like i damn emo d..-.-

Anyway im longing to go back to melb again..hopefully this time with you guys.
Okayyy..betul betul emo ady wtf, so much for an epic first post lol.

kaythxbai!