Change..

I knew what was gonna happen,
and i still ignored it.
i reminded myself,
and i still went through with it.
change will always lead to more change..
for better or for worse..
it will always happen..
stupidity got the best of me..
and now things are falling apart..
not bit by bit,
nor by chunks.
everything just crumbled in an instant..
what i tried so hard to keep together..
just fell apart in a second..
what i placed my blood, sweat and tears into creating,
just vanished in a moment..

and i tried so desperately to stick them all back into place..
nothing seems to fit back where they belong..

so much for giving change a chance..
and i cant help but feel responsible...
for causing their pain..
for their distress..
for their loss in trust..

fuck this..im done with change!
as soon as i get things back to normal,
im not going to try and be a smartass and change things

that is if they ever go back to normal..
i doubt so....
and so ive got nothing else to lose..
cause ive lost what meant everything to me..

Cheap and cheerful!

Cant seem to sleep..
and i ended up sittin in front of my comp,
in the dark..wtf
The huge ass mosquito in my room is starting to be a huge annoyance as well..
oh and i think its following me..and i cant seem to kill it wtf!!

Anyways, assignments are on their way..
hopefully the provide enough distraction so i dont go thinking too much bout stuff.
either that or i start slitting my wrists with a straw and end up with broken straws and burns on my wrists -.-
or i could join a gym and end up a gym junkie doin steroids and start bein a masochist lol

Hmmm...
sometimes i annoy myself..
yes..it does happen..
and yes i know i hou mou liu at times =.=

oh and apparently watching top gear helps me sleep...
nothing like watching a middle aged man chase sheeps on a car track..
or hearing the lousy reviews of cheap cars..

mmkay nights!

itchy backside wtf -.-

My saturdays now are just dead...
stuck at home till the evening where i'd take any car available in the hse and meet up with my high school friends..
but before that..my usual saturday ritual was to wake up before 12,
have lunch..and be off for english tuition from 1.30 till 4,
but why english tuition you may wonder..
i dont really know as well la..ive been going to some old lady's hse somewhere around old klang road weekly to have my english worked on since i was 5..
geez..come to think of it, i had a sad childhood =.=
and i dont think it was just me who had to endure this ritual..
my sister had to go through it as well..
well being there for so many years, its impossible not to pick some stuff up along the way.
ive learnt loads. Some unwillingly forced into my head and some outta wanting to change.

Anyways, after havin that tuition..id be rushed off for another tuition in pj..at another old lady's house wtf!
this time it was 5 till 7, sometimes longer when exams were coming..
every single lesson we had to do rumusan or a karangan..
which was fucked up..
cause me having an itchy backside would always compete with a friend from VI trying to get the highest marks wtf..yes i was kinda childish =)
and i hated it when that old lady would have 3+ hour classes when PMR or SPM was nearing.
it was always on a sunday morning..
who the hell sacrifices sleeping in on a sunday to study...
it aint me for sure ! but i went anyways wtf!!!!

Now...my saturdays are made up of me waking up in time for lunch,
having lunch,
bumming online for awhile,
going back to sleep (piggo ma wtf)
wake up,
take what car is at home and...
go out till past midnight -.-

btw yes yes i know my blog is wordy..
but what to do..i memang malas nak load pictures..
kay thx bai !?

Now we've grown up la!

I've had this thought stuck in my head for sometime already..
As we grow up..the things that we want start to change as well.
When you were say 13 years old,
you thought that having the latest handphones made you cool,
having a psp or some gaming console made u even cooler.
You'd waste the money you've saved up on the newest phones..
and when a new one came out..you'd do it all over again.

By the time you reached form 4 or form 5, u started paying more attention to what brands you bought.
if nobody heard of it, you wouldnt buy it.
it didnt matter if it looked nice, as long as it branded it was alright with you..
then you got out of high school and had your ass thrown into college.
Now it was about pimpin up ur car and clubbing..
You'd spend huge amounts getting your car a bitchin bodykit, spoiler and a kickass sound system.
Leaving you shit broke for a while or longer.
Then there's the weekly ritual of clubbing for some,
where they'd waste money just to get pissed drunk..

Anyways im at the stage of my life where my materialistic needs are contented..
psp, ipod, a phone (which is gonna fall apart anytime), notebook..
now where's my car so i can waste money on it wtf?!

mmmkay ciao!

the younger days..wtf

Back in kindergarten it was all good. You learned simple maths where 1 + 1 = 2 and not 1+1=10, read Peter and Jane books and when it came to break time you took out a tupperware which ur mom prepared for you, usually sausages or sandwiches. Yet there were a couple of super embarassing moments when you had to put on ur mom's make up for some play and your friend would laugh at one another, telling each other how stupid they looked or when your friend soiled their pants because they were too scared to go to the toilet alone after you told your friend you saw a ghost in there.

You remember the times when your mother and father would quarrel but you always never knew the reason for each fit they threw at one another. There were times when you would stand behind the closed door of their room to make sense out of their shouts and screams and occasionally you would end up crying for them to stop. Although you were curious, you never dared to ask them about their fights.

When Power Rangers was aired on TV, you were so intrigued with it up to a point where you were even reluctant to take a shit when Power Rangers was on TV although the head of the poo nugget had already peeked out from your butthole. That is just how cool Power Rangers was back then.

Then there was the first day of primary school. For the first week the school would be infested with parents and other kids like you who were crying half the time for no goddamn reason! During lunch hours in primary school, Police and Thief was the best shit ever. It was the best shit ever when you were a Thief but it was the worst shit ever when you were a Police because being a Police was bloody hell tiring since there wasn't a House for you to rest. You also hated the game when you were a Police because of its stupid rules - you catch a thief, thief goes to jail, thief number two runs to the jail, thief number two touches any thief that's inside the jail and that thief is free to roam around again. It was a never ending process. Since you were only in Standard 1 at that time, the Standard 2 kids would pick on you and most of the time you were forced into becoming a Police. You hated that. But you still played Police and Thief every fucking day because it was the best shit ever.

There were also times in class where you got free lessons and you and your friends got together and played pens where you had to knock all the other pens off the table. There were also the times where you bragged and told your friends that you had five sports cars at home, five maids, a house with twenty rooms, your own TV in your room, three Playstation consoles, twenty Gameboys and five computers at home but in actual fact you were a big fat liar that only had a rundown Proton Saga, one maid, a house with three rooms, an alarm radio in your room, one Playstation console, one Gameboy and one computer.

Later on you remember having thoughts of how your life as an eleven year old city kid was different from kids living in villages and small towns. You played Final Fantasy VII on Playstation whilst they went skinny dipping in murky rivers and lakes. You played Starcraft and Warcraft on PC whilst they climbed Pak Din's rambutan tree to steal the fruits. You were hooked on Dragonball and Rockman comics whilst they lost limbs or died playing meriam buloh. You also remember that it was a trend to write in autograph books back then.Writing all your hobbies, favourite food/drink, email address, icq number(assuming you could memorize it or even know how to use it) etc, etc. You clearly remember a certain poem you wrote in one of your classmate's autograph book that went like this:

Drink hot coffee,
Drink hot tea,
Burn your lips,
and remember me.

You remember breezing through UPSR and your parents boasted about your results to all your relatives whilst you boasted about your 250 bucks to your friends, 50 bucks for each A you scored. At 12 years old, you were a dumb kid who didn't know how to splash your cash on remodelling your car, porn mags, alcohol or cigarettes so you saved up all of it in your trusty piggy bank to which your older sibling sneakily smashed it, stole all of it and when you questioned them about it, they told you that he/she needed to "borrow" some cash.

Then it was the first day of high school. No one soiled their pants in class like primary school. But you did soil your pants that night and it wasn't brown or black in colour; it was of a foggy white coloured translucent liquid, very much like barley water left to sit in the fridge for over a week. At that point, you realized that you became a child all over again because you bloody hell wet your pants again just like when you were 4 years old. Although you already got a piece of plastic with your face looking all wierd, you weren't any less playful. As much as you enjoyed testing out those kung fu moves you saw on TV on your sibling, you found out that there was another game that was more enjoyable than playing timbang with bottle caps from beer bottles or playing masak-masak with dolls with your sibling.

The game was that whenever you were in the showers, you almost always never missed out on aiming the shower head on your crotch because you thought that it was the best shit that had ever happened to you, even better than the time when you popped some Crackle Pops into your mouth which would start fizzing and popping. Later on, you found the game to be more effective when you choked the shit out of your faucet with your mighty righty and pounded on it like there's always a tomorrow, to which tomorrow came and you did it again..and then, and again..and again..and sometimes you never managed any because halfway through, someone would barge into the room and you freaked and pulled up your trousers and you put on a straight face right away and went on pretending as if you were checking your Hotmail inbox or playing Neopets wtf.

From then on, your life changed helluva' lot. You remember freaking out when you had a moustache growing on your pubic region and thinking that it looked like an uncooked duck with its neck still intact. You remember how your opinions about girls changed from thinking that they were disgusting and annoying competitors in class because the number one student in the class WAS always a girl to thinking that they were the ones who could make you the coolest guy in school because you could couple up with a girl and boast to your buddies that you've got a girlfriend. It was then when your opinions impelled your sexual urges and you soon became flirtatious towards that girl whom you thought was the best looking in the whole form but in actual fact she was just mediocre because all girls without make-up are mediocre and that's why nowadays girls as young as twelve are using cosmetics just so they won't look mediocre but too bad they all look wierd just because they haven't fully developed.

You still recall how you used to steal a few glances at her during lunch time and how you used to look for excuses to exchange a few words with her. Although you were a newbie at courtship, your lack of confidence didn't hinder you from obtaining her MSN and not ICQ because ICQ's popularity was going downhill at that time due its fleeing users who were sickened by that "UH-OH",there's also that pissant ugly fat fuck girl from school is online now and sends me a message so I think I should go on invisible status now. You didn't know better at that time. You really didn't because you were a fucking nOOb at flirting. You very well remember how you overused this sequence of conversation whenever you saw her online:

"Hi! Don't see you online too often nowadays. I missed you lah. You got miss me anot?"

or when she answered the phone:

"Hello! How was school today? Didn't really get to speak with you during lunch time. I missed you lah. You got miss me or not?"

to which she would always reply:
"Hehe."

and you would pause for a bit to think of something to say to her because she would never say anything else after that "Hehe". Then there was your first girlfriend. You still remember how you coupled up with her. You asked her, "Will you be my girlfriend?", as simple as that, very much like how any pathethic, unromantic guy would ask someone to marry them by popping the question, "Will you marry me?" instead of saying, "Baobei, let's shag the shit out of each other tonight because I want to impregnate you so that we'll have no choice but to get married and live happily ever after". So, that was the stupidest way of getting yourself committed, but it was extremely effective in a noobish kind of way since both you and here were fucking noobs.

She was your girlfriend and you were her boyfriend. It was only a status and nothing else happened, not even a lousy peck on the cheek because once again you were a fucking Noob (and a fucking Saibot). After two months or so, you told her that you were bored of the whole thing and said that you and her were better off as friends. She was cool with it and so it ended just like that. But some of you might have clinged on longer and when you were fed up of staring at her face most of the time you were in school, you asked for a break up and she went into EMO-MODE gao gao. And after that you avoided each other acted as if the other was some retard you did not want to be related with, while she started rumours bout you having acne on your ass and you telling your friends that you've found a hotter girl.

After that you had to sit through PMR which you didnt study for till the last minute and still manage to get pretty good grades and would be thankful to the students in the kampungs for bringing the marking scale down to save ur ass.

I think ive written enough here to cover my first batch of assignments..
Boredom makes me super productive...
to be continued..or not..or wtf..
kaythxbai

FML

Shuyi just made me realise something..
The manager of my course who's a guy acts really nice around guys.
He's usually all dulan and shit when dealing with girls but its a WHOLE different story when it comes to dudes.
I just noticed that he's always really nice and all when i go to see him.
What's worst is he REMEMBERS MY NAME!!
holyasscakes!! outta hundreds of students he remembers my name!!
and he doesnt even remember the name of a huge friend of mine, who is easier to notice cuz he's HUGE la wtf..
Plus he's so busy and all..
How to remember names wor?
I am SO FREAKED OUT right now!!!
and shuyi's making things worst by telling me that she notices he's got a certain smile when he talks to me wtf!

Maybe i should go make a post on fmylife.com

Today i noticed that my course manager at uni treats guys really nice and all but out of all the students he remembers my name and is happy whenever i go to see him. My friend thinks he's got a thing for me. FML

=.= how la you tell me??

One more time.

So uni has started again, and assignments have been given out before we even learn anything.
It was really good seeing the gang again..
Somehow things are going back to being a routine,
No more late nights...till assignments are due =.=
No more going out whenever i like..
No more waking up just in time for lunch since most my classes are in the morning.

Anyways its just the first week and things are still pretty laidback.
Skipped the second half of the first lecture of the new sem..
yea..so laidback i got a feeling im gonna be skipping more lectures soon wtf!?

Still haven't gotten around to start regulating my life which has gone wild..
aih fuck it la, fuck it.
im just gonna let things happen when they happen.

ok ciao..
kay thx bai!